Fertility Coaching Questions: What Women Ask an IVF Coach

When women first contact me, they often start with a question.

Sometimes it is practical. What actually happens in a session? How is this different from counselling?

Sometimes it is quieter. Am I struggling enough to need this? Will it make any difference?

These questions deserve honest answers. So here are the ones I hear most often, and how I answer them.

1. What actually happens in a session with a fertility coach?

Every coach works a little differently, so it is worth asking any coach you are considering.

In my work, a first conversation is about understanding where you are right now. We talk about what you are carrying, what feels hardest and what support you already have around you.

From there, we look at where more support might help. We also choose one practical strategy that fits what is happening for you, and practise it together, so you leave with something you can use straight away.

You do not need to arrive with the right words. Many women begin with, “I’m not even sure what I need.”

That is a perfectly good place to start.

2. Is a fertility coach the same as a counsellor or psychologist?

No, and it is important to know the difference.

Counsellors and psychologists are trained to assess and treat mental health concerns, such as depression, anxiety, trauma and grief that is affecting daily life. Many Australian IVF clinics offer counselling to their patients, so it is worth asking your clinic what is available.

A fertility coach does not diagnose or treat mental health conditions.

Coaching focuses on the present and the practical. It helps you understand what you are carrying, notice what support you have and build strategies for the parts of IVF that feel hardest.

Some women see a counsellor and a coach at the same time. Each plays a different role.

If you are feeling persistently low, hopeless or unable to cope, please speak with your GP or your clinic’s counselling team. If you are in crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

3. When is the best time to see a fertility coach?

There is no single right time. Women come to me at three main points.

Before IVF. Your appointments are booked and your medication is organised, but emotionally something does not feel settled. This is often when women first notice what I call The Readiness Gap™: the space between what IVF is asking of you and the support you currently have.

During treatment. Injections, scans, egg collection, transfer and the two-week wait can each bring something different. Support during treatment is about getting through each stage, not about perfecting it.

Between cycles. After an unsuccessful cycle or a loss, starting again can feel very different from the first time. Many women want space to process what happened before deciding what comes next.

If you are not sure where you are, Am I Emotionally Ready for IVF? Six Situations to Consider may help you notice what you are carrying right now.

4. Am I struggling enough to need support?

This is one of the most common questions I hear, and often one of the last to be asked out loud.

Many women tell me they feel they should be coping better. Others have been through so much that they no longer notice how much they are carrying.

You do not need to reach a certain level of distress before support is allowed.

You may be coping well on the outside and still feel tired underneath. You may be fine most days and find certain moments very hard.

Support is not only for when things fall apart. It can also help you avoid carrying everything alone.

5. Will coaching help my IVF work?

I want to be honest about this one.

Coaching cannot change your medical outcome. No coach should promise that it will.

What coaching can do is support how you experience IVF. That might mean feeling more prepared before treatment, having strategies for the two-week wait, communicating more clearly with your partner or medical team, or not having to carry everything on your own.

One client told me that our session helped her see she was searching for “one more thing” to fix, and that this approach could be never ending. Her focus became trusting her clinic, where she was now and celebrating her successes.

That shift did not change her treatment. It changed how she was able to go through it.

6. How do I stop thinking about IVF all the time?

You may not be able to stop thinking about it completely, and you do not need to.

IVF involves real decisions, real uncertainty and real hope. It makes sense that it takes up space in your mind.

What can help is noticing when thinking stops being useful. Planning your questions for the next appointment can help. Searching late at night for every possible outcome usually does not.

Small, practical steps can make a difference. These might include setting a time each day for IVF research, choosing one person to share updates with, or having a short grounding practice ready for difficult moments.

If waiting is the hardest part, The Two-Week Wait After IVF offers gentle ways through that stage.

7. How do I talk to my partner, family or work about IVF?

Every relationship carries IVF differently.

Partners often process it in different ways. One may want to talk while the other wants to solve problems or stay positive. Neither is wrong, but the difference can create distance.

With family, you may want support without constant questions. With work, you may need flexibility without sharing every detail.

It can help to work out what you want each person to know and what would genuinely help you. Then you can ask for something specific, rather than hoping they will guess.

You can also decide who does not need to know. Protecting your privacy is a valid choice.

If IVF is putting pressure on your relationship, Why IVF Feels So Hard on Your Relationship explores this further.

8. How do I find the right fertility coach for me?

Most women are not looking for a list of qualifications. They are looking for someone who understands.

When you speak with a coach, notice how you feel during the conversation. Do you feel listened to? Do you feel safe being honest? Do they explain clearly how they work?

A good fertility coach will:

work alongside your medical team, not against it
be clear about what coaching can and cannot do
not promise pregnancy or treatment outcomes
not pressure you into a program
suggest other support, such as counselling, when that would serve you better

Training still matters, and it is reasonable to ask about it. I am a Certified Fertility Coach and a Certified Results Coach, and I have my own lived experience of IVF. But the most important question is whether you feel this is the right person for you.

Your questions are welcome

There is no question too small, too practical or too emotional to ask.

If you are wondering whether fertility coaching could help, you can learn more about how I work as an IVF coach.

Or, if you would like to talk it through, you are welcome to get in touch. We can look at where you are now and what support might help, with no pressure and no expectations.

With gentle hope,

Margaret Cali

About Margaret: Margaret Cali is an IVF Readiness Integration Strategist, Certified Fertility Coach and creator of The RISE Method™. Based in Sydney, she supports women preparing for and navigating IVF with practical emotional readiness support alongside their clinical care.